The Ex (The Corny Myers Series) Page 4

  We drove around to the front and out shot a fluffy black bullet through the fence, with two guards on her cute tail. The shorter and more agile one of the bunch yelled, “Get back here, you little mutt.”

  The larger and more menacing brute said, “Shit, the dog is gone. We’re dead meat.”

  Halo opened her door and Fifi jumped onto her lap and licked her face. She’d left her door open.

  “Halo, shut your door. We’ve gotta go now!”

  She needed to learn about personal safety or she wouldn’t survive long.

  “Woops. Sorry… Isn’t she the cutest little dog?” Halo asked.

  Fifi was cuddled up near Halo’s neck. I gunned my Mini Cooper. I wished I’d bought the turbocharged model.

  “Holly cripes, Corny. This job is a lot harder than I thought. No wonder you’re in such great shape,” Halo said.

  “Thanks.” I maintained the illusion I was in control of the situation, until my heart settled back in my chest. “Yeah, I can do this kinda stuff in my sleep.” I’d be lucky if I wasn’t struck down by lightening, for fibbing.

  “Corny, are you going to let me continue doing retrievals? I know I wasn’t successful with Fifi, but that was my first try. I promise to lie next time someone asks who I am. Please, please, let me try again,” Halo pleaded.

  “How about this? You can ride along on my next couple jobs and I’ll see how you do.”

  “Really? That’s great! Thank you,” she said.

  Who could say no to such enthusiasm? Not me. “How does everyone feel about donut holes? I’m buying.” I increased my speed by ten miles an hour. I didn’t want the wise guys to catch us eating donuts.

  “Put me down for a dozen,” Halo said.

  I’d love six glazed holes please, Fifi chimed in.

  Fifi was a sweet little dog. She was polite—not like a ferret I know.

  “Okay donuts, here we come.” Halo grabbed for the dashboard. I looked in my rear view mirror and didn’t see any wise guys. I let my foot off the gas pedal, a tad.

  After we stuffed our bellies with carbs, Halo and I delivered Fifi to Uncle Chuck. Halo handed her over and this time I think Uncle Chuck’s tears were genuine.

  He took the diamond collar off and said, “I’ll send this back FedEx overnight, insured, and signature required. I don’t want to owe Vinnie anything—ever again.”

  “Remember, no more gambling, but most important, no more borrowing money from loan sharks.”

  “You have my solemn promise,” He said and crossed his heart.

  “Take care, Uncle Chuck. Come on Halo, let’s go.”

  Out in the parking lot, Halo said, “Can I call it a day? I’d like to go tell Jacob about my fun-filled day.”

  “Yes, but you be careful. Vinnie knows who you are. I’m not saying he’ll come after you, but keep an eye out and don’t talk to strangers.” I worried about her lack of common sense.

  “Okey-dokey, boss.”

  She sped off with a little puff of smoke from the tailpipe of her Beetle. Because the donut holes hadn’t filled me up, I drove through Jack in the Box and got a large fry—to heck with the whole diet thing.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  At seven, I arrived home exhausted, cranky, and hungry. Fries and donut holes weren’t super foods. I was greeted by an upset ferret. He sat at my feet on his hinds legs and chattered.

  Hey, where have you been? I’ve been worried about you. You are not going to believe what happened today. I tried to tell Steve, but stared at me funny. You need to teach him how to understand me.

  “Pete, the psychic connection I have with animals isn’t something I can teach. I inherited the gift.” I picked Pete up and scratched up and down his spine with my nails to help settle him down.

  Okay, okay. Listen to this. I heard the door open and thought you came home early. I climbed out of your silky drawer and trotted down the hall to greet you. There was a woman I didn’t recognize looking around, touching our things. I figured she must be Celeste. I followed and watched her as she went through every room. She smiled when she touched Steve’s things and frowned when she looked at yours. Is Steve going to arrest her?

  “Pete, did she take anything?” I asked.

  No, but she acted like this was her home. I’m scared. What if that crazy Celeste hurts you?

  The donut holes I’d ate earlier fought to stay down. “I can take care of myself,” I said with false confidence.

  Really…I’ve seen you bruised and moaning after you’ve taken care of yourself.

  “Hey, I resemble that remark.”

  Pete thought about what I said for a minute.

  That was a joke, right?

  I shook my head and turned around to see Steve. He rested against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.

  “What have you two been talking about?” Steve asked.

  I’d been distracted with Pete and didn’t realize he was there. He gave me a light kiss on the lips and took Pete from me. I kept eyeing his cheek, where Celeste kissed him.

  He looked Pete in the eyes. “What’s up with your ferret? He’s been pacing in front of the door for the last hour.”

  “He thinks Celeste is going to hunt me down and hurt me,” I joked. I wanted to postpone the Celeste discussion.

  Steve paused. “Really? Why would he think that?” he asked.

  He took my hand and led me to the couch. Pete hopped out of Steve’s arms, scurried over to a pillow and faced us.

  “Pete says Celeste walked right into our house and spent a considerable amount of time looking through our things today. Does she have a key to our house?”

  “She would have no reason to do that. Are you sure he’s not playing a joke on you?”

  “Hello Steve, wake up and smell the coffee. She wants you back. Celeste was checking out her new home.”

  “She’s an FBI agent. I can’t see her breaking the law. She could lose her job.”

  “Steve, does she have a key to our house?” I was losing my patients.

  “I asked for her key back when she left. I guess she could’ve made a copy.”

  “She’s been in our house. What are you going to do about that?”

  I felt like he didn’t get the big picture. She could come back anytime, put her feet up, and make herself at home.

  “Corny, this is a serious allegation. Are you sure Pete’s telling you the truth? Maybe he had a bad ferret dream and is confused.”

  I looked over at Pete and he looked back like, ‘answer him already.’

  “I’d trust him over your ex any day. Would you mind if I called a locksmith to have the locks changed?”

  “Honey, can you wait a day? Until I have a chance to see what Celeste has to say?”

  I never considered Steve wouldn’t believe me.

  “I guess…. Umm, I saw her kiss you today,” I said. I was scared, yet determined, to hear what he’d say.

  “You saw her kiss me and she’s not road kill?”

  I didn’t say anything.

  “The kiss didn’t mean anything. Why didn’t you let us know you were nearby? I could’ve introduced you two.”

  Steve tried to make light of the situation, but that didn’t solve the problem.

  “I have no desire to meet her and you walked away before I could recover from shock. I did consider using a scouring pad on your cheek, while you slept, though.”

  “Ow! I love you and your sense of humor. I’ll talk to Celeste. I’m sure there’s an explanation. This has been one long day. I’m going to bed. Are you coming?” Steve asked.

  “Not quite yet. Pete is pretty upset. I’m going to spend a little time with him.”

  “I promise we’ll get all this straightened out. I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  “Come on, Pete. You’re going to learn how to use the speakerphone and speed dial.”

  Sounds fun. Why am I learning this new trick? Pete asked.

  “If Celeste lets herself into our house a
gain, we’re going to show Steve her true colors. Come over here.” I moved our house phone to the floor and we both sat down.

  “All you have to do is hit this button, which puts your call on speaker. You won’t have to talk directly into the phone. Hit the number ‘1’ button and that will dial my cell phone. Let’s practice.”

  Sounds easy enough.

  We practiced for an hour. At first he’d hit several buttons at once. But he got the hang of how the buttons worked.

  “Okay, Pete, if she shows up again you know what to do. Do me a favor: don’t engage her. You won’t win.”

  Okay. I won’t.

  “Do you have your paws crossed behind your back?” I asked. That was my move.

  I’m tired. I’ve got a big day tomorrow. I’m going to catch a psycho.

  Pete scurried down the hall to his pet condo. I bet he dreamed of a ferret police badge.

  CHAPTER NINE

  I’d only been at work for a couple of hours when my cell rang. “Hello,” I answered. I heard music in the background and a familiar voice as she sang along to, ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’ I panicked.

  “Pete, if you can hear me. Hide! I’ll be there as fast as I can. Tap on the phone if you understand me.” I heard a click and the phone went dead. If she hurts Pete… I couldn’t think about that. I needed Steve’s help. He’d better answer his phone.

  “Hi Corny. I’m in the middle of a meeting. Can I call you back?” Steve asked.

  “No! Celeste is in our house right this minute. I think Pete’s in danger. I’m heading home. If you ever had any faith in me, you’ll meet me there.” I hung up. Steve called several times on my way home. I didn’t want to hear that he didn’t believe me and wouldn’t come.

  I pulled up to our house. A black SUV was parked in the driveway. I assumed the vehicle belonged to Celeste. She didn’t even try and hide her car.

  I parked across the street, in my neighbor’s driveway. My hands shook as I climbed out of my car and crossed the street. I heard a horn honk and looked up the street.

  Steve… he believed me. I started to cry. I was such a baby. He pulled in behind me and rushed over.

  “Hey, honey. What’s going on? I couldn’t get ahold of you,” Steve said with concern in his voice.

  In-between sobs I said, “She’s in our house, Steve. What if she hurts Pete?”

  “Baby, we’ll talk about how you know all this later. I recognize Celeste’s rental car. I saw her in the SUV this morning. I can’t imagine what she’s doing here.”

  “You saw her this morning, huh? What, did you have a nice breakfast with her?” I was at the end of my rope.

  “No, Corny. She stopped by to see an old friend at the station. I’ll go find out why she’s in our house. You stay out here, out of sight. I’ll be right back.”

  “I love you. Be careful.” I sniffled and wiped my nose on my sleeve. Steve used his key and opened the front door.

  I couldn’t wait here. I snuck around back, where I had a clear view of the inside of the house. She must’ve played the same song over and over again because I could still hear, ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’. A chill ran down my spine.

  There were packed boxes littered all over the living room. They were labeled, ‘Corny’s things’ in large red letters. She’d packed my belongings. Celeste planned to move me out and herself back in.

  When Steve let himself in, Celeste turned off the song. He rarely lost his temper, but I could hear him yell.

  “What do you think you’re doing, Celeste?”

  “I’m helping Corny move out. My things will be arriving next week,” she calmly answered.

  Celeste took a picture of me and Pete off the wall, and tossed the frame and all into a box. I heard glass break.

  “How did you get in our house?” Steve asked.

  “With the key you gave me. Why are you upset? I thought you’d be happy I’m helping out,” she replied.

  She leaned in for a kiss and Steve backed up. He looked shocked.

  “You need to leave. I told you, I love Corny. She’s my life. She’s not moving out and you’re not moving in,” he said forcefully.

  Celeste’s face turned red. She grabbed a lamp off the end table and tossed the thing at Steve. He jumped out of the way as the lamp smashed against the wall. Her body deflated and she started to cry hysterically. Talk about manic behavior.

  “You’re all the same. Pigs. Pigs! Everyone leaves me,” she yelled.

  “You need help, Celeste,” Steve replied in a calmer voice.

  “No, no, no! I got suspended the last time the FBI tried to help me. They call the extra help and supervision I received, ‘rechroming.’ What a bunch of shit. After next week’s class they’re transferring me to El Pasco, Texas. My supervisor wants me out of Quantico. All because of Jim and his conniving bitch of an ex-wife. He told me he loved me, but he left me to get back together with her. He won’t answer my calls anymore. I had to trick him. I used your cell, but he hung up on me.”

  That’s why she asked for Steve’s phone at lunch. I bet she answered my call because she thought the call was from Jim.

  “Celeste, what you’re doing is against the law. You could lose your job.”

  “No, I have the key you gave me. I didn’t break in,” she answered.

  Celeste sounded like a little child, trying to justify bad behavior.

  She patted Steve’s arm and said, “Well, I’m leaving now. I’ll be back to finish packing later. I hate the color of the walls. I’ll pick up a couple gallons of paint on my way back. Oh, by the way, please get rid of that pesky rat, he tried to bite my leg. Bye, honey.”

  She waved at Steve and walked out the front door, like nothing happened. Steve looked shell-shocked. I knocked on the slider and he walked over and let me in.

  “Holy crap, Steve. She’s nuts. Can I get the locks changed now?” I asked, knowing the answer.

  Steve looked around our house. “Yes, please. I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming. I feel awful for the way I treated you and Pete last night. I need to go and make some phone calls. She needs major help and I don’t want her showing up with a bunch of paint.”

  “Oh my God. Pete! What did she do with Pete?”

  I frantically looked around. Before I freaked out; a nearby box’s top popped open and Pete’s small nose and beady eyes peeked out.

  Was I right or was I right? Crazy….Pete said.

  “Crazy is right! You did great with the phone, but why did you hang up?”

  When I heard your voice I got excited and stepped on the button again. That’s when crazy lady saw me and started chasing after me. I gave her a good run for her money, though. But she put me in with a bunch of your clothes. I want to wash her smell off me. Crazy smells bad.

  “Come on, let’s get you a bath. Steve needs to contact headquarters and get a straitjacket for Celeste.”

  No, no bath. I can’t swim. Kari, my old owner figured that out. Put a small amount of water in the sink and I’ll take care of the rest.

  I sat on the toilet seat to keep an eye on him. He seemed unfazed by the whole incident, unlike me. Celeste scared the crap out of me. I can handle the mob, but a crazy woman—not so much. Steve walked into the bathroom and sat on the edge of the tub.

  “How’s Pete?” Steve asked.

  “Fine. I never realized he was such a clean freak. What’s going to happen next?”

  “Jim reported her phone calls and her supervisor has been trying to get a hold of her ever since yesterday. She was supposed to get her butt back to Quantico. After this incident, they’ll officially take her in and get her a psychological assessment.”

  “What if she comes back here before they can throw a net over her?”

  “Patrol units are being sent over. It’d be best if you stayed in the house until she’s found.”

  “Steve, what if she finds out you had something to do with her getting in trouble again?”

  �
�I’m not worried for myself. But she’s unstable, which means she could come after you, in hopes of hurting me.”

  “Great. Celeste is after me and the mob could be after Halo.” I shook my head in amazement.

  “Why is the mob after Halo?” Steve asked with a clenched jaw.

  I needed to get Steve a mouthguard for his teeth. He seemed to grind them a lot lately. “Halo went to Vinnie, the loan shark’s home, in hopes of getting her uncle’s dog back. Her intentions were good, but she told everyone her name. Later, we recovered the pooch, but Vinnie might come looking for revenge.”

  “Crap,” he said and rubbed his temples with his fingertips.

  “Crap is right. I’ll keep my eye on her.”

  “Who’s going to keep an eye on you?” Steve asked.

  “Brenda has Bertha, her taser.”

  “Please do me a favor and keep in touch, until Celeste has been contained.”

  “You bet. I could sure use a couple dozen donuts.”

  “Me too.”

  Celeste never showed up with paint cans, but our house phone rang several times—all hang ups. Neither one of us slept much. I expected a Molotov cocktail to crash through our front window.

  CHAPTER TEN

  First thing the next morning, I called Brenda. “Good morning, sunshine.” I didn’t feel sunny, but it helped to pretend.

  The phone was dropped, picked up and dropped again. “What’s going on? Why are you calling me at six o’ dark?” she asked.

  “I didn’t sleep much and was anxious to talk to you. Listen, make sure Bertha is fully charged and bring her into work today. I’ll give you the details later, but keep a close eye on Halo. Vinnie the loan shark could be a little perturbed at her.”

  “How does he know how to find her?” Brenda asked.

  “Vinnie’s boys asked who she was and she told them everything about herself and more. I guess I forgot to tell her to lie in dangerous situations.”

  “Don’t feel bad. Halo’s a sweet girl, but sometimes she doesn’t make the wisest decisions. Anything new on the ex?”

  “Yeah, keep an eye out for a slim, blonde, psycho with a badge. I’ll give you the details later, but unless the FBI has been able to corral her, she might stop by to say hi.”