The Ex (The Corny Myers Series)

  The Ex

  The Corny Myers Series

  Sharon Kleve

  The Ex

  A Books to Go Now Publication

  Copyright © Sharon Kleve 2013

  Books to Go Now

  For information on the cover illustration and design, contact bookstogonow@gmail.com

  First eBook Edition –May 2013

  Warning: the unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to 5 years in prison and a fine of $250,000. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form without written permission from the publisher, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages for review purposes.

  This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to any person, living or dead, any place, events or occurrences, is purely coincidental. The characters and story lines are created from the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously.

  If you are interested in purchasing more works of this nature, please stop by

  www.bookstogonow.com

  Look for Other Stories by Sharon Kleve

  Flamingo Blues

  Be Mine

  Klutzy Love

  Josey’s Christmas Cookie

  Valentine Special Delivery

  Dedication

  “An author cannot grow without both constructive criticism and encouragement.”

  My critique partners give me both and make me a better author for it.

  Thank you for your support and unfailing encouragement!

  CHAPTER ONE

  Have you told Steve about the jury summons? You need to tell him how to take care of me in case you get sequestered. Pete grabbed his tail with his tiny paws and chewed on the tip, a sure sign he was agitated.

  “How do you know I didn’t tell him already?” I asked.

  I knew what his answer would be, because his answer was always the same.

  I have excellent hearing, Pete chattered.

  My name’s Corny Myers and I have a unique psychic ability—I can communicate with animals. My parents told me my gift was handed down from Great Aunt Harriet on my mother’s side.

  It only seemed natural to open a pet detective agency and use my skills. From day one, Green Hornet Investigations thrived and nobody seemed to care how I got the job done.

  “No. You’re a little spying devil,” I said.

  That’s the only way I know what’s going on around here, Pete said and then pouted.

  “I promise to tell Steve. You have nothing to worry about. I’ll have to go through the jury selection process. If I do get selected for a case the chances of me being sequestered are slim. You’ll be fine.”

  You better be right. He scurried down the hall.

  Steve’s an aggressive, tough, Seattle narcotics cop and he looked sexy as hell in his faded jeans, Mariners T-shirt, sneakers and 9mm gun hooked to his belt. He grabbed a leather jacket out of the bedroom closet and flung the heavy material over his shoulder.

  “Hey Steve, can you check on Pete real quick? I might’ve hurt the little guy’s feelings.”

  “Sure. What am I looking for? Will he be blowing his nose or wiping his eyes with a tissue?” Steve asked and smirked.

  “Very funny.”

  Pete’s beady eyes appeared around the door before Steve could move.

  Tell Steve, I’m sensitive and need special care.

  Pete didn’t seem upset; he cleaned his face with his tan paws.

  “Like I told you earlier, you have nothing to be worried about. Please stop spying on us. You’re being creepy.”

  Hey, I was eating my breakfast and minding my own business.

  He sat back on tiny hind legs and looked indignant.

  “Your kibbles are in the spare bathroom. If you were minding your own business, how come you know what we were talking about?”

  Steve cleared his throat, “I hate to interrupt your conversation, but I have to get going.”

  “Wait. Pete reminded me I haven’t told you my exciting news. Can you spare a couple of minutes?” Pete sat down and listened. I assumed he wanted to make sure I didn’t leave anything out.

  “Sure. I can spare a couple minutes for you. I guess this is a good time to tell you my news too.”

  Steve acted hesitant to tell me, which made me anxious to hear what he had to say.

  “Sit down and I’ll pour us another cup of coffee,” I offered.

  We sat down at the kitchen table and I said, “Okay, you go first.”

  Steve took a sip from his cup and hesitated.

  “I received an invitation to attend a seminar held by the FBI on new drug detection techniques.”

  “Steve, that’s great,” I said.

  “Yeah… incredible, actually. I found out that only a few detectives from Washington have been asked to attend. The rest will be coming in from other states.”

  “Don’t take this the wrong way, because I know you’re a great cop and all, but how did you get selected?” I asked.

  “I’m sure my old girlfriend Celeste, arranged for my invite.”

  “Why would your old girlfriend do something like that?”

  “She works for the FBI, and she’ll be teaching the class,” Steve said.

  “Oh…? You’ve never mentioned her before. When did you two date?”

  His old girlfriend would teach the class? They’d be taking breaks together or maybe even go out to lunch together, while I could be tied up in jury duty. Jury duty didn’t sound that great after all.

  “We broke up about six months before I met you. She was offered a great job in D.C. and I didn’t want to give up my career here. And, I never considered a long distance relationship with her.”

  What did she look like? Was she prettier than me? Taller...thinner…smarter? I’d drive myself crazy with these kinds of thoughts. Steve interrupted my inner turmoil.

  “I knew there was a reason I didn’t want to leave Seattle,” Steve said.

  I fluttered my eyelashes. “Really? What’s that?” Hey, my ego needed to be stroked.

  “Because I met you here,” he replied.

  “I’m glad you stayed too. Is she married or does she have a boyfriend?” I hoped she was pregnant with triplets.

  “No. When I talked to her yesterday she told me her latest relationship ended badly and she didn’t want to talk about the breakup. She did mention wanting to get together to reminisce about old times. The funny thing is; our old times weren’t that great.”

  Alarm bells went off in my head. This chick wanted Steve back.

  “How’d she take the news that you’re not available any longer?”

  “I think okay. She asked what you did for a living, and how long we’d been together. When I told her we were living together, she told me she can’t wait to meet you. She seemed happy for me. Maybe she’s changed.”

  “Changed? What do you mean?” Hey, who wouldn’t want to meet me? I was cute, funny and I could talk to animals.

  “First, I want to say that Celeste is brilliant at her job, but her personal life has been a disaster. She has a history of wanting what’s not available to her. She assumed I’d follow her when she left for D.C. When I didn’t, she went through a rough emotional period. She’d call me in the middle of the night, calm and rational one minute, but when I wouldn’t agree to whatever she had on her mind, she’d fly into a fit of rage. Because I cared about her, I felt obligated to report her behavior to my superior, who reported the incident to her superior. For obvious reasons, she was angry with me the last time we spoke, over a year and a half ago.”

&nbs
p; “Okay, your old girlfriend is a whacko; I’ve had a few wacko relationships myself. When is she flying in?” I tried to sound supportive.

  “Celeste lived in Seattle for ten years and has lots of friends here.”

  “Steve, when is she arriving?”

  “She flies in this Tuesday afternoon. She’s coming a week early. She wants to catch up with her friends.”

  “Meaning you, right?” Great, she’ll be in town the whole week I might be on jury duty.

  “Corny, I’m sure she’s not flying in early to spend time with me.”

  “So… what does Celeste look like?”

  “Why?” he asked with suspicion in his voice.

  “Come on… she’s your old girlfriend; that’s reason enough.”

  “I’m going to be late for work. Can we talk about this later?”

  “You’re avoiding my question. What does she look like?” Steve was a straight shooter, but he avoided my question. What was she—super model gorgeous?

  “Celeste is tall, thin, with long blonde hair and blue eyes,” he said. “Oh, and she has a heart-shaped mole above her right eyebrow.”

  “She sounds pretty.” I banged my forehead on the table.

  Steve kissed me and laughed.

  “I was kidding about the mole. Don’t worry about Celeste; she’s got nothing on you.”

  I wasn’t jealous—just curious. With my shoulders back and stomach sucked in, I’m five-feet-eight inches tall and weigh about one-hundred-twenty-five pounds. A monster hot dog and a side of cheesy fries would put me above that in a heartbeat though. To be on the safe side, I’d eat only salads for lunch and skip the syrup in my lattes.

  If I wanted my ex back, I’d arrive early, hang out, flirt, get him drunk and seduce him. I was sure Celeste fibbed—she didn’t want to meet me anymore than I wanted to meet her. “You said she always wants ‘what’s not available to her’. You realize that’s you, don’t you?”

  “She didn’t go into a fit of rage when I told her about you. I’m sure the FBI got her the emotional help she needed or they wouldn’t keep her employed.”

  “I’m sure you’re right. Where will the seminar be held?” Probably her hotel room.

  “The class will be held in the FBI building, downtown. The class starts in two weeks, Monday through Friday. Come on, tell me your news,” Steve insisted.

  “I received a jury summons. I’ll be reporting to the Seattle Municipal Court first thing Tuesday morning. I guess they don’t care that I’m boinking a cop because I marked ‘yes’ on the questionnaire when they asked, ‘are you related or a close friend of any law enforcement officer?’”

  “They don’t care as long as the defendant isn’t a cop. There’s no reason to exclude you.”

  “Good. I’ve been called, and questioned, but never chosen.” I was torn—why did Steve’s ex have to show up now?

  Steve placed his coffee cup in the dishwasher and said, “See you tonight, honey.”

  “Yeah… okay. I’ll see you tonight.”

  “One more thing...you might want to keep your conversations with Pete to a minimum—especially if Celeste is around. I’m used to your conversations with animals, but not everyone would understand. I don’t want her to haul you off in a straitjacket,” he said.

  “Let her try.”

  “Bye, Corny.”

  He didn’t look happy when he left. Pete scurried over and sat next to my foot and I accidently stepped on his tail. In the process, I lost my balance and my shoulder slammed into the wall. “Owe. That hurt,” I said as I rubbed my arm.

  Hey, I think you flattened my tail, Pete chattered.

  “Geez! You scared me. See? That’s what you get for sneaking around.”

  Why are you in a nasty mood?

  “I’m not. How’s your tail?”

  If you throw me a Scooby snack I’ll heal faster.

  “Here you go.” Scooby snacks are a different flavor than his regular food. He thinks they’re extra special— he doesn’t need to know any different.

  What’s the deal with this Celeste person?

  “Steve’s old girlfriend is trying to worm her way back into his life.” If she wasn’t careful I’d rip every perfect blonde hair out of her head.

  Hey, remember how much fun we had with Ralph at Langfield Laboratories? If Steve brings me into class with him, I could put tacks on her chair.

  “No! I have a feeling Celeste would eat you alive. You will absolutely have no contact with her. Understood?”

  Cross my heart and hope to get a girlfriend.

  “You’ve got to be kidding me. You want a girlfriend?”

  I’m just saying; it’d be nice…

  CHAPTER TWO

  Ratatata, Ratatata. Our new Maytag top-load washer was in the middle of the spin cycle. My legs were wrapped tight around Steve’s waist as he kept time with the washer. I nipped his neck as his hands moved from my shoulders to my bare legs. He lifted me slightly and slid deeper.

  “Corny, this was a great idea,” he spoke in a ragged whisper as he took my earlobe between his teeth and gently sucked.

  “I know. I know. This feels incredible. The only problem is, I can sense Pete’s beady eyes on my jiggling breasts and he’s distracting me from nirvana.” The spin cycle would eventually toss us both into the abyss of ecstasy, if I could resist the urge to look around for my perverted ferret. I’ve tried everything to keep Pete from spying on us while we performed the washing machine mambo. I’ve locked him in his cage, bathroom, and even the pantry, but he was like Houdini, the escape artist. I adopted Pete last year when my cousin Kari dropped him on my doorstep, on her way to Hawaii for her honeymoon. She never bothered to pick him back up. Except for his voyeurism, he was a great pal.

  “Steve, hand me that dirty sock.” He didn’t miss a beat, and handed me the sock. I launched the stinky thing through the doorway.

  Hiss, Hiss… Hey, what was that for? Pete sounded outraged.

  I ignored my ferret and stroked Steve’s sweat-soaked back. “Oh boy. Faster, Steve.” He continued to watch us.

  “Pete, go away if you know what’s good for you,” I said between moans.

  Fine. He scurried away to sulk.

  Thump, thump, thump. The washing machine stopped. “Steve, hurry! Hit the ‘go’ button. I’m close.” He reached behind me to reset the dial and smiled wickedly. He moved deeper inside me.

  Ratatata, Ratatata. That was all I needed. My muscles convulsed, and I screamed, “Yes!” Steve’s hips stopped pumping five seconds later. He slumped over me and sucked in air.

  His heartbeat slowed and he whispered in my ear, “Corny, you’re going to have to move that beautiful body of yours. My legs are cramping.”

  I raised my head from his shoulder and caught a drop of sweat with my tongue, which made a slow journey down his chest. “That was incredible. Can we do this again?”

  “My brain says yes.” He looked down at himself. “He says no. We’ll start up again when I get home tonight.”

  I braced my hands on the lid and tried to move. “Okay, but help. My butt’s stuck to the lid.” He laughed and lifted me effortlessly to the ground.

  “Babe, if that’s the worst thing that happens to you today, I’ll be a lucky man.”

  We walked into our bedroom to get dressed for the day.

  “Hey, you make me sound like I’m a walking disaster.” A little hurt, I grabbed one of his shirts off the floor and draped the soft fabric over my shoulders, and followed him into the bathroom. As he got into the shower, I stripped his shirt off and climbed in too. “Do you really think I’m a klutz?”

  I lathered my hair and waited for his answer.

  “No. I wouldn’t exactly call you a klutz. But, you’ve been hospitalized three times since I’ve known you,” he said, while he shook his head at me.

  “In my defense, smashing through the window of a cupcake shop wasn’t my fault. Two inattentive drivers caused the wreck. And my poor Mini Cooper was turned into a M
icro Cooper.” We got out of the shower and dried off. “I admit; I’ve gotten myself into some pretty strange situations recently.”

  “Yeah, like when you decided to come to my rescue in the bar and ended up with a concussion.”

  “Umm… yeah. That was another one of those strange situations.” He wrapped me in his arms and rested his chin on the top of my head.

  “I love your passion for life and wouldn’t change anything about you. I only want you to be careful.”

  Steve pulled on his pants and leaned in for a kiss.

  “I’ll do my best to come home bruise-free today.” I meant it. I didn’t like to get hurt.

  Steve’s cell phone buzzed, with a text. I squinted at the caller ID—Celeste. Steve groaned.

  “I’ll return her call when I get to work. I love you, Corny.”

  “I love you too. See you tonight,” I replied.

  In Steve’s profession, he couldn’t turn off his phone, to get away from an ex, like most people. Like last night, Steve and I were atop the washing machine when his phone buzzed a text. His clothes were on the laundry room floor, along with his phone. He saw the message and knew who’d called. He never missed a thrust while his phone buzzed with another text. He didn’t rush to return her messages, which made me feel better. When he did, Celeste and Steve talked for twenty minutes. Pete listened and told me Steve was all business, even though he heard a woman laugh in the background. In my defense, I didn’t ask Pete to spy.

  ****

  Pete rolled around the house in his plastic ferret ball, to get his daily exercise, when Steve walked in that night. He smiled when he noticed Pete’s ball wedged between the couch and wall. He nudged the ball with his toe and Pete took off like he was in the Indianapolis 500. I hadn’t even noticed he was stuck. That might be the reason I didn’t get asked to babysit my friend’s kids. Not that I’d let a kid roll around in a plastic ball—well maybe if the kid begged.